Dear friends,
Tomorrow is the day that I go to the place where I first learned to enjoy a good cold shower, where I had the best nap ever in the world, where I thought a 60-something-year old woman was going to die in my arms (she didn't!), where I learned my favorite lullaby, where I decided to change my major to Special Education, where I consistently don't get a chance to brush my teeth until after lunch.
Tomorrow starts staff training and this is how I'm feeling on each of my hands: on one hand, I can't wait. I keep thinking about dear friends who I'm going to be reunited with and good good memories we have together with our campers and I wish so much I was there right now. But on the other hand, I want to not get out of bed tomorrow morning. I thought about what Leslie would do if I just didn't show up tomorrow. I'm pretty sure she would call my cell phone and home phone and each of my parents and ask all of the other counselors where I was, but after that, would she come to my house to hunt me down? Or would she give up and hire somebody else? I'm going to miss my family and my bed and makeup and wearing a real bra (because I only wear sports bras at Camp) and my friends and being able to go where I want to go when I want to and Emma my niece who isn't really my niece and the Internet...but not necessarily in that order.
But just the fact that I capitalized the C in Camp without even thinking about it shows me that it's where I need to be. People who don't go to Camp never capitalize the C. It's a sign of respect and it's an inadvertent recognition of what Camp is, that it isn't a place or a week or a gathering of counselors with a specific set amount of training. It's the campers.
And I know that. And I love my campers to no end. It's just that also I love myself to no end...which is not a fun thing to write, let me tell you. I just like to pretend I'm humble and giving.
I've been pretty weepy all day. I've driven my family and friends a little bit crazy, even though they didn't say so. I was packing earlier, and then my sink decided to leak all over tarnation (which did not help my peace of mind very much at all and may also be somewhat of an exaggeration, although there was definite leakage) and it was just a stressful day in general. I did a lot of running around Clemson and went to Walmart twice and we're out of Goo Gone in my house so how am I supposed to survive in this world? Just kidding, but really, I could've used some earlier. But my sweet dad brought me an omelette with bacon bits and vegetables with feta cheese on top and also some Greek yogurt and he ate with me and listened to me complain and sympathized with me even though he could've been watching basketball (which he did later, so it's a win-win situation) and then read me a passage from Galatians 6: Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
So basically I have the best dad in the world, but, more specifically, I can't do this by myself. I can't handle Camp alone because I would probably just punch everybody right in the face. Or cry uncontrollably and run home. If I do this to put on my resume or to look good to other people or to make friends or to do it for some other reason that is not to further God's kingdom, I will reap destruction and that is not a fun thing to reap. But if the reason I am doing this is to please the Spirit, then I will reap eternal life and that is a nice thing to know. But even more, this passage tells me to persevere and to not give up and to not get weary (which I am pretty good at doing). It tells me to love my campers and fellow counselors with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. That means sitting on the bathroom floor with Polly Gilliam when she's crying because her stomach hurts and singing "You Are My Sunshine" to her to try to make her feel better. That means rubbing Lawing's back and singing to her while she cries at 4AM and being very very tired the next day.
There are going to be times this summer I will just want to grab my keys and get out of there and never go back. There will be times I feel like I'm going to explode in tears or in anger. But I will not. I will stay stay stay and I will love love love. I will persevere and not grow weary and I will be the best counselor I can be, even though that doesn't mean I will be the best counselor that ever was. And then when my campers leave, I will cry like I've lost my best friend, because that's exactly who each of my campers is. They each just connect with a piece of my soul, and when they leave, it's gone. I don't even get a choice. They take my heart home with them.
Friends, if you could pray for me this summer, I would appreciate it a ton. I am so bad at saying goodbye and leaving home, even if the place I'm going is just twelve minutes away and I get time off during the week. I'm a little bit afraid that I won't be able to do my job well. Pray that, once I'm at Camp, I would be focused on my job and remembering that the reason I'm doing what I'm doing is to love others and to serve Christ and His kingdom. Also, isn't it such a comfort to know that we serve a God we cannot exaggerate? I just love thinking about that.
If you want to write me my address will be:
Laura Dekle
CUOL Camps
263 Lehotsky Hall
Clemson, SC 29634-0737
Love,
Lauralicious
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