A week ago I learned the names of eight ladies with whom I now share a cabin. It was this time last week when I took notes on their files in preparation for four days ago, when I finally met them, and it only took a few minutes for me to realize that I quite love them. None of them were shy when we met so we grew close quickly. On the day I met them, I helped them in the bathroom, cut up their dinner for them, and, at bedtime, kissed them each on the head and told them that I loved them. I normally don't tell people I love them on the same day I've met them so that's how I know how special these ladies are. And I do love them each, so much. I love them not because I have to or because I want to (although I do!), but because I just do.
A week ago, I hadn't even met them. Then three hours ago, I put sunscreen on all of their bodies. Twelve hours from now, they will all be tucked into bed and I will already have kissed them on the head. In a week, it will be the morning of our last day together. Time is fleeting.
A lot of people say that if you love someone, you need to let them go. But why on earth would I ever do that? I don't understand. Because what if it is better for them to be here with me instead of in a far-away place where they are taught to bide their time? Here, we purposely make all of our moments special and it makes time so sweet.
Last night, after my ladies were asleep, I walked around the cabin and checked on everyone. I walked by the lady who is the loudest snorer I've ever met, the lady whose first words when she wakes up are "I slept good!," the lady who giggles as soon as she wakes up, the lady who wiggles her butt in the cutest way when she is happy, the lady who sleeps with her head at the foot of the bed, the lady who likes her hair done in two braids like Anne of Green Gables, the lady who sleeps with an oxygen machine that sounds like a vortex may be coming for us at any moment, and the lady who falls asleep as soon as she gets finished brushing her teeth, but always wakes up to say goodnight when we come around to kiss her.
I sincerely believe that life would be better if I did not have to let them go. I understand that they have families who love them, and that maybe I would get burnout or something if we were together for every moment for the rest of forever, and also I have to go to school so I can learn to be a grownup, but I love them. So it does not seem fair that they have to go away and then I have to be here without them.
Here, I am my most artistic, my most kind, my most compassionate and caring, my most selfless, and it's because they make me this way. No other group of people could make me the way I am with them, and I am afraid that when they leave, I will go back to being self-absorbed and grouchy and possessive.
I am afraid for next Thursday to come - our last day together. One of the saddest things I've ever felt is putting campers to bed the night before they go home. I always say, "Goodnight, I love you, see you in the morning." And I will see them in the morning, but that's it. They'll leave me after that. I won't get to see them that afternoon, or that night, or even the next morning.
These ladies have my heart. They actually have it. I am here at a coffee shop on my time off, but they are back at Camp holding my heart between the eight of them. These eight, as well as all of the others I've known this summer, took a piece of me when we met, before I even thought to brace myself for it. But I'm glad they have it, because even though I had little choice over whether or not they took it, they take good care of it. They know how to get to me - to make me swell with joy and pride for them, and also sometimes go crazy with frustration. They know what they are doing with my heart, and I am glad they have it. I'm glad for each of them to have a piece of myself so I can point at them and say, "she is mine, and I am hers!" Time is hard and being with people is hard, but I am more than grateful for the time I've gotten to spend with these ladies and for the one more week we have together.
For the moments I feel faint, this is what I will remember: everything. The happy, the sad, the frustrating, the celebration of small things, the celebration of big things, the inevitable, the surprising, the moments.
Love,
Lauralicious
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