When I'm at Camp, even though I'm in Clemson, I don't hang out with my non-Camp friends a lot, and sometimes they try to make me feel bad about neglecting them. So I do the same by saying, "I'm changing lives. What are you doing with your summer?" I'm kind of a jerk when I say that. Because, really, my life is the one being changed. I just like to be a jerk sometimes.
On an unrelated note, I can't go anywhere in Clemson without seeing someone I know. Which I love. Specifically at Walmart and Chick Fil A. It's gotten to the point where I'm kind of in a competition with myself and if I don't see someone I know at either of those places I get very sad in my heart.
On another unrelated note, have you ever been to Walmart late at night? It's creepy. I usually try to not go alone if possible and go in and out quickly with a minimal amount of impulse items.
So, a couple of weeks ago, on my night off from Camp, I had to run quickly to Walmart to grab some stuff on my way back to Camp. It was 11:30 and pretty sketchy. I was getting sad because I didn't see anybody I knew in there. Usually at least I know some of the cashiers because I went to high school with a lot of them, but I didn't know any of the cashiers that night, so I was walking out with a sad, long face, because I had finally gone to Walmart and not seen someone I knew. My spell was broken. That's when I saw two people I had gone to high school with.
It was a guy and a girl. The guy was in my grade, and he had played football all four years and was really good. The girl was in my brother's grade, so two years younger, and she was holding a baby who looked a couple of months old. It was a super cute baby, but it was a sad scene. I mean maybe they were babysitting together and it wasn't actually their baby, but still, it's not really okay to bring a little baby to Walmart at 11:30 at night. And, because the girl and I had been in the same creative writing class together two years ago and I was in the same grade (we had a graduating class of 263) as the guy, there was no avoiding eye contact or at least recognition. So I tried to muster up a smile for them but I probably just looked incredibly uncomfortable.
And suddenly, all of my pride was just drowned by shame. I felt so bad for being rude to my friends and saying that "I'm changing lives" all the time because obviously there are lives all over the place that need changing. I'm no better than anybody else just because I go to a special place where troubles melt like lemon drops and I have encouragement from people who do the same thing with their summer to stay strong and let the joy of the Lord shine through me.
So what I'm saying is: just because I'm doing a good thing at Camp doesn't mean I'm curing the world or that I'm certified to act like it. If I start acting that way or even just thinking in that uppity, superior mindset, then I'm doing Camp for myself instead of for everybody else there, which is why I started working in the first place. I started working so that I could more concretely and intentionally be a conduit of Christ's love and grace in my life into the lives of others as well. I have the opportunity to daily shower with love and patience so many campers who need it more than I need chocolate, which is a lot. I'm not even kidding. And then when I leave, I am so blessed because I am equipped with the skills to do the same with people outside the gates. And I can't remind myself of that enough.
"And he said to all, 'If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.' " - Luke 9:23
AKA: quit getting cocky, Laura. Not cool. Be daily humbled by your Savior and His great grace to your heart. Show love and joy and peace to everybody you come in contact with.
Camp is love. Love is Camp.
Love,
Lauralicious
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