I started running recently, after being convicted by my running shoes. I just started feeling so much guilt for never using them and realized that I was depriving them of their one life purpose, which is to run and to go places. I realized that I didn't want to be the kind of person to deprive anyone or anything from fulfilling its purpose in life. So I put my running shoes on my feet and I started running in that moment.
It was an ideal running situation: winter had just turned over to spring (my favorite) and I needed a way to handle my school stress. The running was going well until I realized: I hate running. When I run, I feel like I'm constantly tripping but never actually falling, and that is miserable.
But, from running, I have learned about life. I'd never thought of myself as the kind of person who a) regularly engaged in physical activity or b) learned valid lessons about life from it. But life is full of surprises and the Lord works in mysterious ways.
What I've learned from running is that I don't like to work hard. I don't like to challenge myself or do anything that I think might maybe be hard or scary. So before I run, I have to tell myself how far I'm going to run, and that I'm going to run the whole way - if I walk a little bit, I'll end up walking the rest of the way. I have to run past the excuses and shortcuts and whinings I hear that come from inside my own head.
In life, when something seems like it might be hard or scary, I want it to not exist anymore. I want to be a child who doesn't know about complicated things. I want to close my eyes and not be able to see things and for that to mean that they don't exist.
Over many years and many daunting situations, I've told my dad about how I want scary things to go away and leave me alone. And my dad has told me over those years and in those situations to desire not a spirit of simplicity, but a spirit of maturity.
Here are some things I find scary: having conversations with people who are more confident than I am, being vulnerable, being wrong, and running. None of these things are guaranteed to not go wrong, and if they do go wrong, I'm (almost) guaranteed to get hurt.
But a spirit of maturity means that I can get hurt and it won't be the end. It means I have a realistic view of life: that not everything is fun and that there are things that sometimes I'll have to just do.
A person with a spirit of maturity isn't instantly mature, but knows that maturing and having a spirit of maturity is a really long process that is maybe never done. A person with a spirit of maturity is prepared to face things that are intimidating instead of squirming away from them. A person with a spirit of maturity has the Holy Spirit inside, to overcome timidity and to go everywhere together. A person with a spirit of maturity can see that "hard" and "good" are not mutually exclusive. A person with a spirit of maturity welcomes the Holy Spirit to bring a spirit of maturity and a spirit of not hiding.
After every run I take, I walk into my apartment and I get down on the tile floor. The coolness of the tile calms down my heart rate a little, and I usually lie there for about nine minutes, breathing and sweating and not thinking about what I need to do next. Then I'm recovered and rested, and I feel very chipper and strong, and proud of myself for doing something I resent so much but surviving - like all that sweaty, panting running was worth it.
Even though I can't so much choose what hard things happen in life in the way that I can choose to go on a run, I have learned how to handle those hard things from running - mostly I've learned that wishing things away isn't a thing. I have become more dependent on Christ, because only He can take running and turn it into something tolerable and good.
Love,
Lauralicious
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